Bad Christmas/Holiday Movie Reviews

Part one of an unknown length series where I break down some truly terrible and terrific Christmas/Holiday movies! Ho ho ho!

Every year in our household we watch as many Christmas movies as possible. I am talking three movies in one night if we can manage. We will start pretty quickly after Halloween, which I am sure makes some people mad. Thanksgiving is a colonizer holiday, my friends, and we only celebrate by watching the Addams Family Values from 1993 where it features one of the best Thanksgiving scenes.

This year I have decided to let you into our little movie world.

The goal of a Christmas movie, for us, is not to be perfect or even good. No, no. We actually prefer it to be bad. Bad is subjective, which is why we like it. A few examples of what we mean by bad:

• The dialogue is contrite

• Ethereal or heavenly visitors appear

• Cheap CGI (yes, I know CGI is expensive but if I can clock it then we have a problem)

• No diversity

• Lack of conflict

The list can go on and on. We have made entire holiday traditions around bad cringe movies.

“There’s too much Christmas content! How do I know what to watch?”

That’s where my little series comes in handy! Welcome to my first ever Christmas/Holiday Movie List. I will be documenting all the Christmas/Holiday movies we watch, where we watch them, a few thoughts, and score out of ten. This means you can browse, with limited spoilers, and pick out a low stakes Christmas/Holiday movie to watch.

Without further ado, here are the first Christmas/Holiday movies we watched and our scores:

• Scottish Christmas 3/10 (2023)

  • Watchable on Netflix and Hallmark

  • Weird sibling sexual chemistry. For some reason, the brother and sister have more going on than either of their love interests. 

  • The conflicts are not in the room with us. 

  • Not a single person of color, not even someone who might be ambiguously ethnic.

  • Rewatchable? No.

• A Biltmore Christmas 6/10 (2023)

  • Watchable on Netflix and Hallmark

  • Time travel which is amazing. This was a huge draw in the trailer and made me want to watch it.

  • Why are we time travelling? Because magic. 

  • Will have to explain to the main love interest everything that happens between 1948 and 2022. 

  • Weird southern lady who is also the main characters side kick? Castle/movie set/museum/hotel setting makes for an interesting plot point as well. We are meant to believe that this sidekick is obsessed with the movie from the 40s, ala “It’s a Wonderful Life” but it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

  • The butler is in on the magic…kind of.

  • Again, not a single person of color or even ethnically ambiguous

  • Rewatchable? No.

• Christmas with a Kiss 6.3/10 (2023)

  • Watchable on Netflix and Hallmark

  • Black lead!!!!! With black co stars!!! It was the first movie we saw in the new movies that featured anyone who wasn’t white.

  • The main actress was really working the acting and carried much of the film. But it erred on too long, and the conflict was weak. 

  • Started hot hot hot and then just drags pacing wise. It felt about half an hour too long.

  • Hot fireman love interest and the journalist grows on you…but it takes time.

  • Mentions a carnival heavily yet barely shows the carnival. I mean it, the movie centers around a Christmas carnival yet we see very little of the event. We see more of a firehouse than the carnival!

  • Brand ambassador…you mean influencer? They refuse to use the name in the movie, despite that being exactly what she does.

  • Rewatchable? No.

Let me know if you are going to watch any of these movies and if you like to watch a holiday film. Or are you a Scrooge?